When He’s Away…

Alex left again yesterday for work for 2 whole weeks. What’s so bad about this is he’s been gone for most of the last 6 weeks. Even when he’s been home he’s working from 9 am to 11, 12, or even 1 am. You’d think that with the amount of time he’s been traveling since we’ve been together I would be so much better at this.

But I’m not. I don’t understand how to make it easier.

Apparently they mate for life!
Apparently they mate for life!

I have been reading a lot lately on ‘how to cope when your spouse is away’ and there’s tons of How-To’s and advice from medical journals. There’s even articles out there where scientist have experimented with separating male prairie voles from their mates to see if their rising levels of corticosterone are similar to humans with our levels cortisol. While I have calmed down a little by reading them, I think what has begun to help me most is reading blogs from other women who have significant others who are constantly away. AND ALL OF THEM DON’T KNOW HOW TO DEAL EITHER!

But then I realized…I’m not going through this alone. I’m truly not the only woman who’s man is away (or in a man’s case, not the only guy who’s beautiful lady is away). Some of these adults are running a house, holding a job, taking care of kids, going to appointments and cooking dinners all alone while I don’t have to worry about most of that. Sure, I have to clean and do all my cooking and pay for everything. But wasn’t I doing that long before my man and I started dating? I have to clean all the kitty liter and take out the recycling but other than that what I am losing from him going away? The bed is a little less warm and there isn’t constant noise but I have it better off than some.

I was reading an article by guest writer Derrell Jamison in a Huffington Post article where he wrote that being away from each other is absolutely okay. That sometimes we forget the meaning of “distance makes the heart go fonder” and maybe that is something we tend to forget. I know I’m guilty.

I am still an adult if I recognize that I had a temper tantrum, right?
I am still an adult if I recognize that I had a temper tantrum, right?

Before Alex leaves for a trip I get sad, moody and, I’m embarrassed to say, I sometimes through mini tantrums. Sure my guy is excited about his business trip because they involve setting up events and shows and he LOVES his job! He has every right to be excited and sometimes, not until afterwards, do I realize how selfish of a person I was being during the days leading up to him leaving. Who wants to go on their trip with their significant other is mad and upset? Who wants to phone home or text when they’re worried their significant other is going to make them feel bad for being away? I’ll tell you who: NO ONE.

Alex is so amazing because he’s working hard to create a future for himself and for me. I am extremely lucky to have a guy like that and I’m constantly reminding myself not to take this for granted. Sure I’m sad, tired, lonely and scared when he’s away – but he always comes back. And when he comes back, I’m always happy again. 🙂

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Here I sit…with my leaf imprinted latte…

(Photo credit belongs to someone else)
I’m lucky if my latte makes it into the cup much less make a leaf pattern in the foam!

I’m sitting in a Barnes & Nobel bookstore, sipping on a Starbucks latte that tastes slightly burnt and smells like the college-aged Batista’s heavy perfume, and I think, “I am surrounded by the greats. By Super Greats!” Bookstores carry the works of Hemingway, Tolkin, Steinbeck, Patterson and King. You can find obscure authors, best-selling authors, long-forgotten-can’t-pronounce-your-name-dead authors.

But do you have to be published to be considered an author? Do you have to have more than one something published? When does one even go from a writer to an author? What the hell is the difference even?!

Apparently…there is! And I guess it can be depressing depending on what side you are on. A writer, by definition is, is “someone that writes”. Makes sense. An author, by definition, is entirely different. An author is someone who creates! And, they’re published of course, but according to Differentbetween.net, an author is someone who “has to create, develop, and communicate an idea, while a writer has to only communicate somebody else’s idea.”

WAIT! If a writer writes someone else’s story and a author has to be published to be considered…an…author…what does that make the rest of us? Are we still considered writer? According to the same article, yes, we are! But is being a writer a bad thing? To me, telling someone I am a writer sounds more approachable. Author does sound prestigious but also as an air of smug, snootiness to it. I guess it really only comes down to what you feel comfortable with. Like Richard Castle, author of the Nikki Heat series that I am unashamed to say I adore, he’d rather have a kevlar vest that says “writer” than nothing at all.

Writing…This may take some time…

Why is it that when people ask me what I want to do, and I say write, they ask why I’m not writing. “Are you a writer?”, “You used to write a lot, you should write again.”, “You should stop complaining and just write!”

It’s harder than people think…much harder. Writing doesn’t come easy, not even to writers and having people thrust guilt upon you for not writing makes it even more difficult. Perhaps my problem is that I think too fast? Or perhaps my thoughts are so disorganized? I think it’s the latter….definitely the latter.

Learning how to get out when you keep falling in.
Learning how to get out when you keep falling in.

I want to write. I know that much. Hence this blog that no one will read but secretly hope some does. I keep thinking I just need to find my inspiration, that if I gaze longingly enough out past the rainy window while drinking my latte that has been dusted with a leaf pattern, by SOME stroke of luck I will be bestowed brilliance that will allow me to write my life’s greatest work…..yeah, that hasn’t happened yet. But if it does, I’ll let you know.

I’ve been on Pinterest all evening (IT’S ADDICTING!) looking up inspirational quotes from writers to other writers. While I love and appreciate them all there is still a small part of me that wants to smack the writer in questions and say, “Totally easy for you to say! You’re published! You’ve made a living off your passion!” But, of course, I don’t….mostly because half of them are dead and the other half aren’t personal friends of mine so I doubt I’d get close enough to actually do the deed.

Le sigh.

I’ll start out small….just a goal of hitting 250 words per post. Who knows! A year from now all those 250 word posts could turn into my story. Well, maybe.